I'm Jude, and I'm running for President. Oh, you're probably thinking, "He's done this before." And you would be correct. However, in the past, I never branched out with my positions or campaign promises. In fact, one time I promised to make no campaign promises. This time, it's different. We had 4 years of someone's tired grandpa running into walls while people struggled to afford to live. And that was just Reagan's second term!
After that we had a guy who hated broccoli. I love broccoli, just for the record. There are no bad brassicas, other than cabbage.
We elected a sexual predator - twice! And also, somehow, Arkansas Governor Bill Clinton...but that was back in the 90s.
Since the 90s, things have steadily gotten worse. Our democratic candidates look like our 80s republican candidates, and our republican candidates look like 1930s German candidates. What can we do to stop it? Elect me! It's not like there is anybody better. Okay, there might be someone better, but there are plenty of worse choices.